


i am flying

by rainingvenus



Category: ITZY (Band), Stray Kids (Band), TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - High School, Beomgyu is the narrator of seungmin's romantic crisises, Blue-Haired Han Jisung | Han, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Coming of Age, EVERYONE IS JUST FLIRTING, Enemies to Lovers, Falling from the Sky, Flirting, Gay Panic, Heartbreak, Hwang Hyunjin & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Kim Seungmin & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Best Friends, M/M, Seungmin has anxiety, Sick Character, The Hwang twins, and felix's wisdom of the sun, and sad, angrily pining for Taehyun, damn i wonder who that is, felix and han are two magical boys, for flavour theres also, how do i write this mess, how does he know which love is romantic and which is platonic?? gasp, in search of their souls' other halves, lia just wants to succeed in life, no seungmins not dating them all, reveal of seungmins chosen lover in final chapter, stares at 4pm orange sun for answers, the angsty teen romantic comedy of kim seungmin, the skz and txt found family au u all want, where he's a little in love with all his friends, yeonbin being yeonbin in the bkgrnd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29293347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingvenus/pseuds/rainingvenus
Summary: Honestly? Kim Seungmin's trying to pull through high-school and every day his crush list grows along with his problems. Beomgyu defeatedly complains about Lia's boyfriend and Hyunjin is getting more confusing every day. Why are there glowing boys falling from the sky and how is it almost time for Minho and Changbin to go to college? Isn't time flying too fast? Isn't he too short on it, and too upset about the winter afternoons growing shorter along that? Why does everyone but him smell good, and how did Han Jisung just show up with his hair dyed like twilight after being missing for years? the answer is that he needs ask the sky; to dye his hair too, and pull through. Pull through with what he has.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 19
Kudos: 18





	1. like we always do

**Author's Note:**

> On finishing high-school, I kept feeling incomplete. When i wrote this, I realised why. A mixture of all that it was, it deserved to be documented, not forgotten. An older friend in college told me: there is something special about being sad when you're young. It's the last time you feel someone is watching over you even when it seems like there isn't. The sky is. It watches you. It chooses to bless you in your own time, in its own mysterious ways. Nothing made sense in high school, and perhaps that was the nice part of it.
> 
> If you aren't a little in love with all your friends, you are missing out.
> 
> (chapter title from: always - keshi)

_[I’m asking you, where to_

_i see you respond but i hear nothing_

_It’s my fault this time because time isn’t variable_

_And i’m mad it feels so_

_I’m spaced out i’m spaced out and_

_I’m having lunch late again,_

_At a precipice, the ocean in my ears_

_Thinking of a friend_

_Wondering what about us needs to end]_

Seungmin was peeling the last banana to add to the mixture of chopped fruits sitting in the blender when his front door clicked open in its tell-tale voice. He didn’t turn around. No need to. Only a second later, the footsteps sounding halted by him. Humming, he started the blender and turned around to fish a tall enough mug from a cabinet above him, only for a tap on his shoulder to interrupt him. 

“Here,” Minho had already gotten the mug, holding it out to the younger. An involuntary smile grew on Seungmin’s face. 

“Thanks. You got a haircut?” He switched off the blender, pouring the pink foamy goop of the smoothie into the container. 

His best friend nodded, nonchalantly rocking on his heels. 

Seungmin placed his now prepared drink into the refrigerator, gently closing it to make as little noise as possible. He let his eyes skim over the freshly trimmed silky bangs parted across his friend’s forehead, falling onto the gleaming prefect badge pinned to his perfectly ironed blazer from under which a perfectly knotted tie was set. Seungmin watched that with a bit of dismay. 18 years and he still couldn’t get the same perfect tie knot. At the same time, he refused to take the blow to his pride and actually ask Minho how he did his. 

“Mom made me get it,” Minho added, still waiting at the entrance of Seungmin’s kitchen, pale 6 AM sunlight falling in slanted lines onto his neck, shoulder and shoes. Seungmin wiped the counter, rinsing his hands and finally grabbing his backpack from the dining chair. He watched the brunette re-adjust the strap of his own messenger bag, one he always insisted did _not_ hurt his shoulder at all when Seungmin had complained after using one for a month at the start of high-school; yet another occasion of him copying the older. He’d settled for his trusty backpack again, giving up after a while. The evenly distributed weight of his books on his shoulders felt nice, assuring. 

As the older was about to head out, Seungmin placed a finger on his lips and gestured to his mother’s bedroom door. Minho nodded. Quietly, he peeked in, smiling when his eyes caught the half finished glass of water and one less pill in the medicine packet he’d left earlier on his mother’s bedside. She’d taken her morning pill and fallen back to sleep like she always did. Seungmin would be deep into 10 AM Organic Chemistry when she’d finally stir out of bed and find her breakfast pretty much already made by her son, like she always did. 

He skipped out of the house to Minho, bounding down the street, the crisp winter air pleasantly touching his slightly hot cheeks which had been warmed by standing near the kitchen thermostat so long. 

He stumbled in his steps as Minho reached a hand over to touch his cheek with the back of his hand. An old habit: he’d check if Seungmin was pink because of the heat and if he wasn’t, he’d narrow his eyes and ask:

“You had peanut butter again, didn’t you?”

Seungmin groaned, shoving the older’s hand away. Minho was arguably better than his mother when it came to knowing practically everything about the younger. 

“Only a small spoon,” he mumbled, the winter air not feeling enjoyable anymore now that he was caught guilty. He had a small allergy to peanuts, unhelpfully discovered on his 11th birthday party when Beomgyu and his mom had shown up with a huge tray of peanut butter cookies and Seungmin had probably devoured like 8 when he’d had the worst allergic reaction he’d known in his life to date. 

“Small spoon? Noted for future,” Minho grinned. Seungmin rammed his shoulder into his, unable to hold back a laugh.

“But also, I’ll straight up tell your mom so you better not-”

“OKAY, OKAY-” he flailed his arms, “STOP.”

They bickered the remaining way to school, and it wasn’t till Minho mentioned getting his haircut because it was Picture Day that Seungmin stopped.

“Shit, I forgot Picture Day.”

“Doesn’t make a difference?” Minho asked, puzzled.

Seungmin consciously studied his uniform. The tiny sloppily resewn coat button probably won’t be shown. He should’ve worn his tie instead of the hoodie he had on at the moment. He grimaced. 

“Can you lend me your tie and blazer later?” 

Minho nodded. “Come take it later.”

  
  
  


The classroom was scantily filled, Seungmin’s deskmate already in his seat, head buried in his arms, soft snores escaping his mouth. Seungmin quietly pulled his own chair back to not disturb the other. His eyes fell on the small dangling silver earrings of varying lengths on each of the sleeping boy’s ears, long silky inkjet black hair falling down his neck and framing his face. As he leaned down to set his backpack, a whiff of caramel-scented body lotion and extremely attractive body spray mixed together hit his nose. It was unfair how insanely good Hyunjin smelled everyday, but today he seemed to smell extra good. Seungmin gave a look of disdain to the content handsome face passed out without a care of the morning. He _never_ forgot things. How did he forget _Picture Day_ of all things? His mom would see that picture, the picture to be published in the yearbook his future kids might even see. He could’ve put in the hair gel he’d bought the other day if he’d known. Sighing, he resumed his daily ritual of watching Hyunjin sleep before the first bell rang, a very uncreepy activity, mind you. Where else was he supposed to look in an empty classroom? He’d finished the book he’d checked out of the library a few days ago and it would be closed till an hour anyway, so really he had nothing to do. 

Hyunjin stirred awake earlier than what Seungmin had predicted on the basis of his otherwise very accurate biological clock. The act caught him off guard, for his deskmate was sleepily blinking, and he had exactly 0.5 seconds to change positions so he wasn’t caught staring. 

“Good morning, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin spoke, voice still heavy with sleep, and unhelpfully adorable. Seungmin shot his eyes from his hands to Hyunjin for a split second of greeting, regretting it immediately because Hyunjin did look extra good today. Had he done something with his hair to make it look extra soft? His desk-mate’s eyes sparkled at him. 

“You done with the English essay?” 

Seungmin nodded. Hyunjin snorted. 

“Of course you are. Mine’s absolute trash.”

“You’re good at English.”

“Not really,” Hyunjin stretched his arms above his head. Even Hwang Hyunjin had remembered to wear a tie, and Hyunjin would barely even know what day it was. 

He flashed a smile at Seungmin just then. 

“You ready for picture day? We might even miss English if we drag the picture-taking,” he grinned smugly. 

Seungmin rolled his eyes. He wanted English to be over with. Carrying this essay they’d worked their asses off on just felt like a burden now. The longer he kept it, the more he had the urge to rip it because of how many mistakes it probably had. 

“You’ll look good by the way,” Hyunjin commented from where he was sprawled across his desk, chin propped on his palm. Seungmin felt like the air in the room suddenly stopped existing. Was it the cursed peanut butter? Hyunjin had probably meant it in relevance to how his picture might turn out. 

“Th-thanks. You’ll too, look- uh- voguish.” Seungmin wanted to slap himself. 

Hyunjin just laughed in response, just the sound of it making Seungmin’s cheeks flame. 

  
  


“Shut up. I forgot any other words,” he grumbled, crossing his arms and studying the wall next to him like it was the most interesting thing on earth. Hwang Hyunjin was probably still unfairly handsomely smiling. He could see it without looking. That’s just the way he always was. 

  
  
  


Voguish of all words??? Why would he even say that?

  
  


Oh yeah, probably because of his big fat crush on the Hwang Hyunjin in question.

  
  
  
  
  


It wasn’t long till the second lesson was over that their class prefect, Soobin, stuck his head out in the corridor only to return and announce it was time for their pictures. 

“You all have,” Soobin squinted at his wristwatch, “10 minutes to change and adjust your looks and stuff.”

“I’ll skip on that or my already super saiyan hotness aggravated further would melt the camera,” Yeonjun declared from the back of the class, swinging on his chair in all his pink haired glory. 

“No wonder I’m freezing today,” Soobin responded, eyes bored and the ghost of a smile on his face,not missing a single beat and sending the entire room into guffaws. Choi Yeonjun’s daily attempts of flirting with the class prefect were simply another brick in everyone's daily routine. Seungmin took it at his cue to leave his seat and find Minho.

“Hyung?” He didn’t need to enter the older’s classroom for he was already lounging outside it. 

Minho paused talking to the curly haired boy next to him to face Seungmin. 

“The blazer?” he asked. Seungmin nodded. He’d already taken off his hoodie and coat in his classroom to speed the process. Minho easily slid off his blazer and pulled it over the younger. Seungmin couldn’t help but breathe out in relief. Having a reliable best friend came extremely in handy. 

“Hyung, your tie too.” Minho rolled his eyes and stuck his fingers into his knot and tugged it loose. For no reason at all, the thin veins in his hands stood out when he did that, Seungmin’s eyes trailing them a bit more than they should’ve and he didn’t realise Minho was waiting to loop it around his neck for a whole 3 seconds before he snapped back to reality. If the older noticed, he said nothing, just shoved his head a bit lower than needed playfully before pulling the midnight blue tie around Seungmin’s collar and attempting to strangle him with it. 

“I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE,” he exclaimed, unable to hold back his laughter while struggling in Minho’s chokehold and batting at him with his hands. 

“This is the rent you gotta pay to borrow these,” Minho grinned, refusing to loosen his grip. Seungmin wrestled his way out after yelling about being short on time, grumpily fixing his now rumpled hair. He should’ve known Minho wouldn’t let him do anything so easily. 

“Hyung, you made me late,” he whined as he pulled at the tie. An idea shot in his head just then. 

_Put your pride aside for one day, Kim Seungmin._

“Lee-know hyung…” 

“Yea?”

“Can you- uh- tie this for me like you do yours?” he bit his lip, already regretting asking.

Minho smirked. “So you finally admit you like mine more.” 

Seungmin glared at him. “Just _tie_ it, please, I’m running late.”

The older hummed, stepping forward so he was just a few inches away from Seungmin, quick practiced hands easily pulling a ridiculously complex knot. Tightening it, his wrist travelled up the fabric to halt at Seungmin’s collarbone, his knuckles knocking against his sternum through his thin white button up. Not knowing where else to look, Seungmin shifted his eyes from his best friend’s hands to his face, which too felt like a mistake, because they were ridiculously close. It didn’t help that Minho was still busy adjusting Seungmin’s tie, not noticing his eyes tracing his face with pretty much nothing else to do. 

Minho’s new haircut didn’t help either, for the freshly trimmed bangs parted to skirt the top of his eyebrows and the rest moved back to reveal clear porcelain skin. The way it gleamed even in the frankly shitty lighting of the tucked away high-school corridor they stood in didn't sit right with him. Why did his ears feel hot? That probably meant they were turning red, and the realisation was enough for Seungmin to take a step back from the brunette, holding his hands in front of himself. 

“It’s fine like this, hyung. Thanks,” he smiled wider than necessary. The older just retreated and nodded. 

“Good luck, little dandy boy,” he chuckled. Seungmin rolled his eyes, waving as he turned to run back to his class. 

He grinned at Hyunjin who watched his change in attire with a little surprise as they lined for their individual pictures. When the camera lens pointed at him, he straightened his shoulders, looking just how he felt: determined and content for once. He pulled out his best smile, crinkling his eyes at Hyunjin who gave him a thumbs up from where he waited. His mom would see this, he reminded himself. He wasn’t faking it either, he reminded himself. 

_This is who I am._

The camera clicked. He walked out for lunch, Hyunjin and Beomgyu’s arms slung around him, Lia saving them a table in the cafeteria, all of them laughing at Yeonjun’s failed attempts to flirt with the class prefect again, Hyunjin celebrating English being cancelled, and Seungmin putting aside his disappointment for that when the taller boy looked happy enough. Beomgyu fished out Jeongin from somewhere in the crowd of the cafeteria and made him sit with them, completely ignoring the younger’s freshman nerves of eating with his seniors at whom Hyunjin immediately cooed; then proceeded to go off about how he’d found the perfect way to order the maximum number of nuggets in every combo Mcdonalds meal while Lia just gave him a hopeless look, turning to Seungmin. A conversation about their evening study plan passed back and forth, and as he watched his friends like this, it felt like everyone was satisfied, like no one was unhappy, and most importantly Seungmin felt warm. Just another day, a nice trouble-less day. 

“Yo Seungmin, didn’t know you were a senior prefect,” Changbin, one of Minho’s classmates and Hyunjin’s neighbour called as he passed their table. All of Seungmin’s friends immediately whipped their heads to him, 4 pairs of eyes finally noticing the badge gleaming on the lapel of his borrowed blazer. 

“Now that you mention it, you weren’t wearing a blazer this morning, minnie,” Hyunjin commented with a raise of his eyebrows. Beomgyu and Lia shared a look before Beomgyu grinned widely. 

“Why’s Seungmin wearing a senior’s blazer?” 

“Man I wish I was in a couple where they exchanged clothes,” Changbin clicked his tongue, dejectedly staring at the lunch tray in his hands. Seungmin felt his ears flame again.

“What the hell are you on-” he found himself sputtering, “WE’RE NO COUPLE. EW.”

“Damn, Kim Seungmin,” Beomgyu giggled, “Denial’s such a cliche.”

“I’ll break your jaw.”

“I was joking- Chill with the hormones,” Beomgyu waved a hand, pretending to calm him down by dramatic fanning movements. Jeongin who was next to him now seemed to be having the time of his life, his face broken into a dimpled smile.

“Weirdo,” Seungmin grumbled out. “I borrowed Lee-know hyung’s blazer for the picture because I forgot mine.” The very topic of this conversation sounded stupid. 

“Aren’t you giving it back then?” Hyunjin piped up. Seungmin quizzically watched his friends. Did Hyunjin, of all people, have to ask that? And since when were all of them so invested in his friendships??

Lia pouted, poking at her noodles with her chopsticks. “To think I have an actual boyfriend but I still don’t get the treatment Seungmin does.”

“Dump him,” Beomgyu solemnly spoke. 

Lia threw an empty milk carton at him. “Don’t talk about him like that.”

“Up to you. I always tell you that loser’s not worth it,” Beomgyu grinned as he shrugged and dug into his own noodles. 

“What has borrowing a blazer got to do with Lia’s new boyfriend?” Seungmin exasperatedly asked. 

Changbin who was still standing there for some reason laughed out loud. Seungmin couldn’t help but notice how he smelt just as good as Hyunjin. 

“Minho got scolded for being a prefect out of dress-code today. Kinda sweet that he still lent you his blazer if you ask me.” 

Seungmin blinked at his lunch tray. 

“Oh.”

“He could’ve told me,” he mumbled. 

A hand patted his shoulder, and Changbin walked over to Hyunjin and plopped in the final free seat on the table, not saying anything else. He looked up to Beomgyu and Jeongin snickering ominously at him again, and debated whether to respond in Lia fashion this time and risk his half-full milk carton before he decided against it. 

  
  


Minho and him and a free lesson right after lunch together on Mondays. He could return the blazer and tie then. As he watched Lia type on her phone, probably talking to her boyfriend; watched the remaining three busy in teaching Jeongin the perfect way to enjoy cafeteria noodles, he couldn’t help but wonder again how long this would last. A nagging thought out of nowhere, one he pushed away to enjoy his meal.

Had he known what would happen, he wouldn’t have ignored it; would’ve trusted his intuition for once, would’ve taken it as a warning of the days that would follow. 

For the moment, all he could think about was Minho getting scolded for him, and the unreadable look on Hyunjin’s face when Changbin had mentioned it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


School was over for the day at the final bell. Lia walked out of the classroom neighbouring his, waving with a ‘see you at the study group’, her arms looped with a friend of hers. The friend chose to slip away from Lia just then, moving into Seungmin’s classroom, her candy floss coloured hair almost whipping into his face as she walked past him. A bit fazed, Seungmin moved out into the corridor, ready to find Minho again when an exclamation rang from the same classroom. 

“Hwang Hyunjin, you need to go home. Stop avoiding me,” the candy floss haired girl was saying, her face tensed into a frown. The Hyunjin in question was indifferently staring out of the window.

“I’ll come by myself, Yeji. Don’t be annoying.” 

“I’M NOT. I’m your _sister_ for God’s sake and I only see you at school at this point,” the girl shot back. Seungmin concernedly turned his head to the two, pausing his journey out. The remaining loitering students had also halted to watch the two siblings engage in an argument. 

“None of your business where I go,” Hyunjin muttered a bit annoyedly. Seungmin was surprised. The Hwang twins, though in different sections, had always been reputed to getting along amiably enough. Such a show, that too in public by the two introverts was a rare sight. 

“HYUNJIN!” Yeji sounded on the brink of crying out of frustration while her twin simply sighed, shuffling over to sling his backpack onto his slumped shoulder and stalking out and down the corridor, not even bidding Seungmin goodbye like he did every day. 

Lia who had been watching immediately ran to Yeji, enveloping her friend into a one armed hug and glaring at the onlookers who dispersed on the cue. Yeji forlornly slumped onto an empty chair, which Seungmin finally decided to approach as well. 

“Hey, is something wrong? Did you guys fight?” he asked. Though he was closer to Hyunjin of course, the other twin was an acquaintance as well. Something rumbled in his chest. For some reason, he already knew he wouldn’t like the answer he’d get.

“Hyunjin’s - Hyunjin’s not been coming home till midnight for a week now. He used to stay out before but it’s gotten so bad lately that he doesn’t respond to mom calling either,” Yeji explained. The twins lived alone with their mother who worked throughout the day after losing her husband a few years ago. Though he'd acquainted the two only after high-school started, the family was well-known for being extremely loving, both with each other and those around them, clearly visible in Hyunjin’s endless ways of affection and Yeji’s kind sweet words and smiles. Seungmin could understand why the girl was upset, for Hyunjin had acted enough out of character to shock even him. 

  
  


“Have you noticed anything off? I don’t have lunch with you guys because of my dance team so I can’t see him then either,” she now asked the two. Lia shook her head as did Seungmin.

“He’s the same with us,” Seungmin frowned, “Why’d he be like that with you?”

“Nothing happened at home with you guys, did it?” Lia asked her best friend, now taking a seat across her, both their fingers intertwining on the desk and stroking each other. To say Seungmin occasionally felt jealous that he wasn’t a girl with a girl best friend was an understatement. Men just weren’t it, he agreed. 

Yeji shook her head, blankly blinking at the open classroom exit. It was out of character to see Yeji this unsure and upset too. Seungmin let out a small breath and gently patted her shoulder. 

“Don’t worry then. I’ll talk to him,” he spoke, adjusting his backpack straps to leave. Yeji and Lia gave him small smiles. 

“I’ll take you home, Yej. Don’t worry, I can meet Taehyun later-”

“Wait, TAEHYUN’s YOUR _BOYFRIEND_??!” Seungmin whisper-shouted. Lia shot him a glare this time. 

“Uh yeah?”

“Taehyun… like the Kang Taehyun we’ve known since kindergarten??”

“Is there a problem with that?”

Seungmin shook his head and laughed. “I was just surprised cos - never mind. Taehyun’s nice,” he added. Lia rolled her eyes, fingers still tied with Yeji. 

“Dunno Beomgyu’s deal with him though,” she mused. “I wish we’d all just get along.”

Seungmin nodded, mind buzzing with thoughts. Pulling out his phone, he texted Minho about not being able to go home with him that day, so he shouldn’t wait. Sighing, he plugged in his earphones, pressing play on a jeremy zucker album. He had a Hyunjin to find. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


If only he knew he’d find everything but Hyunjin that afternoon, he might’ve not made the effort; but he didn’t. All he knew was that he needed to keep all his friends happy like they’d been at lunch that day, and that he held the power to do that. Was he doing that to help his friends or to keep himself happy in a life of surety and predictability?

As he ran down the street, down Hyunjin’s’ regular route home he’d seen him take the most, he pushed that thought away too. He needed to hurry, he told himself. For Yeji, for Hyunjin, or himself? That he didn’t know. There was no sign of Hyunjin, so he kept walking. Maybe he could check the park, Hyunjin’s favourite place to relax. 

  
  


He pushed the resurfacing unease in his chest down again, letting the city’s crisp afternoon air distract him away. Not that it helped much. Jeremy zucker was still gently murmuring in his ears. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_o I'll promise you I'll be the best thing for us_

  
  
  


_Then I'll fight with your friends and I'll trash your apartment_

  
  
  
  
  
  


_I'll lie to you screaming, "I'd die for you"_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. caramel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Seungmin needs to stop finding boys he wasn't looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder that all characters are fictional btw. just borrowed names. 
> 
> idk much about korean high schools and colleges so for my own comfort i followed the high school systems im more familiar with that i hope everyone kind of relates to. feel free to ask any questions if u want

_(If you ever tell me you gotta go_

  
_I'll be the first to ask you where_

  
_If you say you need me no more_   
_Then I might have to stop you there)_

Half an hour had passed, Seungmin trudging through most routes Hyunjin would take. It was useless to call since the boy was notorious for almost never responding, very fitting at that. Sighing, he texted Minho again. He might as well just walk back with the older if he hadn’t reached home yet. 

**seungmo:** where are u [2:53 pm]

Minho always responded in a beat. 

**leekno:** passing Erica’s. y [2:54 pm]

 **seungmo:** wait there [2:54 pm]

Seungmin broke into a run again, taking a slight detour to his route home a few blocks away to reach the bakery Minho would be standing by. He waved at the older, his footsteps finally slowing. Minho watched the younger pant and catch himself before shoving a bun wrapped in plastic into his face. 

“Oh, thanks,” Seungmin took it after a second of surprise. 

  
  


“I haven’t tried anything from this bakery before,” Seungmin commented, unwrapping the plastic, “What’re you even doing here? This isn’t the way home.”

Minho’s glassy brown eyes blinked. 

“To meet Changbin.”

“Changbin?” Seungmin took a large bite of the bun which was surprisingly still warm and crispy to touch. 

“We planned to do SAT practice together.”

“Oh.” Seungmin hated how much he liked the bread. Unbelievably soft on the inside, flavour a mixture of salty caramel and something sweet, baked to perfection. Why he found such sudden strong emotions of hatred and love for its otherworldly scent and taste at that moment was what he didn’t understand. Something about the reminder that Minho was in his final year and constantly preparing for college (and going away) always hit him. 

“Changbin works here?” he asked. Minho nodded. 

Changbin wasn't just a classmate of Minho's. Seungmin had met the highly eccentric older as Hyunjin's ride or die best friend way before Minho introduced the two. Though not one to bond with many new people in high-school and sticking to the same group of friends he'd always had since he was a kid, Seungmin had to admit it was impossible _not_ to be friends with Changbin. His intimidation only lasted in the seconds you saw him silent and not smiling, and then it fell away to a charming charming bright presence pelting witty jokes wherever you found him. Seungmin had enjoyed the older's company enough to qualify him as a friend who'd barelled a sort of permanent spot in his otherwise closed life, for where came Hyunjin, here came Changbin: a contrasting dynamic of tall and short; quiet and loud; refined and careful versus raw and honest. Seungmin never mentioned it out loud, but Changbin's unabashedness was something he looked up to, something he'd been drawn to from the very first day; someone his mother would describe as a promising friend. Seungmin liked the thought. He wished she'd say that about Hyunjin too. 

“You wanna come too?” Seungmin shrugged. He could call his mom and tell her to not wait for him for lunch. Maybe he could do his own assignments here as well. 

The bakery’s glass door had a bell jingling when they entered it, and Seungmin was surprised at how spacious it actually was considering how small the exterior looked tucked in between other buildings on the street. The air was warm, excessively smelling like bread, caramel and - was that pumpkin spice? Scent wasn’t one of his dominant senses, so he had a hard time naming smell, having never paid much attention to them unless they were shoved in his face. Still, the lighting and music were ambient, and there was a fair amount of people lined by the counter and in the small area next to it filled with circular tables. 

He could spot Changbin’s undercut from under the cashier’s cap from the entrance of the shop. The older beamed immediately at the sight of Minho and Seungmin before turning to his next customer. Before Seungmin could move to him though, he watched the cashier very noticeably elbowed the bent over guy next to him, who looked up in surprise only for Changbin to shove his head down and whisper something. Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows at the interaction, finally walking up for his turn.

“Can I have another one of these?” he held up the half-eaten bun in his hand. Changbin grinned, perfect pearly teeth. 

“Can I have another one of these, _hyung?_ ” he corrected.

“Can I have another one of hyung?” Seungmin rolled his eyes. 

“Aw minnie," Changbin cooed, "Don’t ask me out at work,” punching something in the computer screen in front of him. 

“What’s wrong with that, hyung?” Seungmin found himself wiggling his eyebrows, resting one elbow on the counter, a smirk growing on his face on his own accord. 

“Hm. I don’t need a Lee Minho beating me up.”

Seungmin pouted. 

“You just rejected me.”

Changbin handed him his bread bun and receipt, the cashier machine chiming. 

“You don’t sound disappointed,” he smiled, taking the neatly folded money Seungmin handed him, a little coin resting on top which he gaped at, “Wow, you even paid the 5 cents. Diligent man.” 

A hand slapped his shoulder just then. 

“Seungmin-ah, I leave for a minute and you get rejected?” 

“Wait, Seungmin. You actually came here to ask me out?” Changbin leaned forward, a crinkle in his eyes for teasing Seungmin was their favourite pastime.

“Binnie, don’t say such things you’ll just embarrass yourself.” 

Changbin stuck his tongue out at the brunette. 

“Don’t be jealous, _Lee-know_ hyung _,”_ he mimicked Seungmin’s nickname for the older. Completely unfazed, Minho sauntered up to the counter as well, leaning his elbow next to Seungmin’s before staring right into Changbin’s eyes.

“Jealous of this?” he spoke with the corners of his mouth turning upwards, gesturing a hand towards the portion of the cashier they could see. 

Changbin chuckled in his face. “Get lost, I’ll get told off for slacking on work,” he retorted. He winked at Seungmin. “Sorry, babe.”

Seungmin snorted. “Too early for that, sorry hyung.” 

“Oh yeah? So what do I need to do? Court you and give you a shiny pebble?” 

A stupid giggle left Seungmin’s mouth. “Weirdo. Get me more bread buns.”

  
  


“Seo Changbin, stop slacking at work,” Minho interrupted, pulling Seungmin’s arm to drag him to a free table who cheekily waved at the cashier now boredly tending to another customer. Almost bumping into the person behind him at Minho’s sudden pull, Seungmin caught himself back immediately, hurriedly throwing out a sorry before his eyes shot to the stranger he’d knocked into. 

His heart paused then and there. The stranger had a mop of long midnight blue hair falling over his forehead, the blue sticking out like an odd thumb in the monotone peachy colour palette of the bakery, big round eyes and an extremely familiar fierce look in them that he could spot anywhere. He felt his entire body stiffen at the sight, at the flood of sudden memories pouring into his mind. 

“It’s okay,” the blue-haired boy shook his head, the movement making his bangs shift over each other, revealing a mixture of blonde, purple and deep orange strands in between. Seungmin snapped out of his daze to swallow, slowly moving to follow Minho. 

“Seungmin?” the boy spoke not a second before he’d turned to leave. Seungmin swallowed. Why this bakery of all places?

“Yes?” he turned with a polite smile, pretending like he’d never seen this person in his entire life. 

“You.. you remember me?” The fierce look was gone from the boy’s eyes, replaced by a quiet softness instead, one that made Seungmin rethink what he was about to say at least a million times. The swallowing had done nothing to the lump in his throat.

“I’m sorry. Do I know you?” 

Right as he said it, he wished he hadn’t, sadness clouding his entire chest. The boy’s breath hitched for a second, perhaps a flash of hurt, a flash of confusion; Seungmin wasn’t to know. 

“I guess it’s the hair,” the boy let out a nervous laugh, “It’s me- Han. Han Jisung. From elementary school?”

  
  


“Oh,” Seungmin stared at his feet. He couldn’t get out of this one, “Oh. Han Jisung.”

“Yeah,” the boy nodded, waiting for Seungmin to say something else. Out of the corner of his eye, Seungmin knew Minho and Changbin were watching him. 

“Yeah,” he couldn’t get himself to smile, “I remember you.”

  
  


Han watched him through his blue locks, hands tucked in his pockets. “How’ve - how’ve you been?” he whispered. 

Seungmin kept watching his feet, “Okay, I guess.” He should’ve asked the same question but he didn’t. 

“We could catch up here if you’re free,” the boy tried again, the same smile on his face Seungmin remembered he used to cheer others up, to please him, to please anyone, the one that had always worked like the charm that it was. 

“Sorry, I have plans.” He wouldn’t let it work. Without another word, he tugged on his backpack strap and walked towards the door, knowing Minho would understand and follow anyway. It rang its sing-song jingle as before, followed by another mingling with his best friend’s footsteps. His eyes turned to the sky above him, the sun orange by now, bathing the suburban street in its mellow light.

“Come on. Let’s go to my place,” Minho spoke, choosing to not mention Seungmin making a scene just then. Seungmin nodded, climbing up the street sloping upwards. Their walk was quiet and slow, Seungmin’s hands tightened around the brown paper of the bun in his hands, two thoughts striking him as they did: 1. Changbin hadn’t wrapped his bun in plastic like the one Minho had handed him, 2. The strong scent of the bakery wasn’t enveloping them anymore but the two of them still smelt like it. A vague memory of that morning flashed in his head.

  
  


Hyunjin.

  
  


All puzzle pieces seemed to fall in place just then. He stopped in his tracks.

“Hyung, we gotta go back,” he told Minho. 

“Why? You want to apologise to Han for being an ass?”

Seungmin stared at him. 

“Why I do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Minho frowned, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Hyung, I told you. Don’t mention him,” Seungmin muttered. Now wasn’t even the time for this conversation, and he really didn’t have the energy for it. Time was slipping from them. What if Hyunjin left just because they decided to chat about the great Mr. Han who disappeared off the face of the earth after promising to never leave him in 5th grade? Who cared if he’d showed up out of nowhere right now with his hair looking like a fucking sunset? Seungmin had other things to take care of. 

To his surprise, Minho took a step forward, stopping right in front of Seungmin, glaring in his face. 

“Seungmin,” Minho’s voice was stern, “You need to let go of something so old-”

“And you need to stop telling me what to do all the time,” Seungmin cut him. “I have a life outside my kiddie age friends too, in case you didn’t know.”

Minho blinked. “Fine.” 

Seungmin had never talked back to him like that before. He watched the older step back, coolly turning to walk home again. A tick of horror ran through Seungmin just then. Minho hadn’t meant it like that. He knew that. Minho never meant to be dictating, then why on earth would Seungmin say that? 

“Lee-know hyung, wait-”

“I know you don’t mean that,” Minho called, cutting him this time, his back to Seungmin as he kept walking. The lump in Seungmin’s throat seemed to grow larger, the hair at the back of his neck standing, a chill running over him. 

  
  


“Can I come over after your SAT practice?” he called from his end of the street, watching his childhood best friend’s figure grow smaller. The brunette turned in the distance and nodded, the late noon sun falling on his hair and badge again. Seungmin smiled in response, heel turning to the path he’d just trekked, backpack re-adjusted. He tore into a run again, thinking of caramel, thinking of Yeji. 

  
  
  
  
  


_(No matter what they say_

_oh you always lit my shadow_

_  
I've let love lose all of my battles_

_  
But you_

_  
With you, with you,_

_with you, with you_

_It's different_

  
I don't know  
It just is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a crush on minho and bread if it isnt obvious yet. thanku for kudos n comments in advance i may be a lousy responder but thats only because im shy n a procrastinator forgetting to log in. i love love to discuss stories and characters so do come chat w me. feedback and your thoughts on the future are always welcome ! stay safe <3
> 
> (lyrics quoted from 'it just is - eaJ x Seori ft. keshi's Strat)


	3. nothing makes sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix is the sun, Han is twilight, Changbin is determined, Hyunjin is someone's other half. Who the hell is Kim Seungmin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would suggest you listen to Jungkook’s Euphoria after you’re a little deep into the chapter, i really would

  
  


_(How's one to know?_

  
  
  


_I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones_

_In a faith forgotten land_

_(In from the snow_

_Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow_

  
  
  
  
  


_Tarnished but so grand)_

  
  
  
  


“Changbin.” 

The cashier looked up in surprise at the boy panting in front of him.

“Where’s-” Seungmin exhaled, “-Hyunjin?”

Changbin’s pretentious cluelessness wasn’t fazing him at all. He didn’t need to wait for an answer for an extremely familiar boy with a mullet walked from the bakery’s kitchen to the area behind the counter’s display just then, stopping in his tracks at the sight of Seungmin. 

“Can I talk to you?” 

Hyunjin quizzically watched him, hand resting on his waist as he pulled on his black apron strings. 

“I’m- I’m at work.”

“I’ll wait,” Seungmin answered, cringing a little at how earnest he sounded. 

“Okay.” Hyunjin shrugged, pulling his cap over his eyes and turning around, busying himself in something. Seungmin took the only empty seat by a window, pulling his school bag open and deciding to go through that day’s notes for the quiz they had soon and kind of succeeding in not looking towards the counter where Hyunjin tended to customer after customer (and wrapped their take-out orders in thin crinkly plastic, not just brown paper)

Changbin walked over in his break to lean against the table and chat for a bit, for which Seungmin was mildly grateful. Anything could work to distract him from his thoughts at that moment. 

“So you’re working here till college?” Seungmin asked mid-conversation. The older nodded, taking off his cap and running fingers through his hair. Seungmin’s eyes followed the movement.

“You don’t have to answer this if you’re uncomfortable,” he decided to ask after a while, “but what’re you saving up for? Isn’t your family well off?”

Changbin smirked. He did this thing he would do with his eyes where his eyebrows would raise a little like they were amused, and he’d look at you like he was saying ‘are you sure you want to know?’ 

“They are,” he spoke, “but I hate being dependent on anyone. If I fail a few years later, I don’t want to hear an ‘I told you so’; have no one to threaten to pull me out if I don't succeed. If I do, I’ll be the only person who’ll hold himself accountable, only one to take credit.”

“You’re smart though,” Seungmin frowned. “I’ve never seen you fail.” 

“ ‘cos I haven’t done anything I might fail at yet.”

“What would that be?”

“Writing,” Changbin grinned, “I’m going to study writing.”

  
  


Two hours of studying later, Seungmin was convinced time was crawling like a snail. To his luck, Hyunjin finally emerged, work outfit changed and school uniform reworn. He paused by Seungmin’s table, knocking on its surface to take his attention. Unnecessary, because Seungmin had caught the familiar scent immediately. Maybe his sense of smell wasn’t as bad at its job as he thought. He followed the dark haired boy out quietly.

“What’d you want to talk about?” Hyunjin’s voice was nonchalant as they walked on the road, a bit too unguarded for someone who’d fought with his sister in front of the entire class. 

“Nothing,” Seungmin found himself saying, eyes trained on the swirls of greying blue orange and purples in the sunset dappled sky above him, reminding him a bit too much of another certain someone’s hair. 

“Just wondered why you were suddenly working-” he trailed off, reevaluating the lack of privacy in his confrontation. 

“Just- just because,” Hyunjin mumbled.

“Because?”

“Because of Changbin, you could say,” the boy threw out finally. 

“You... want to save up like him?”

Hyunjin nodded. 

“Also, this might be the last few months I have to spend with him so I thought this could be a good way to spend time together-”

“-Before he goes,” Seungmin finished, hearing the same sentence in his head for the 800th time that day. 

Hyunjin snorted. “Guess you can relate.”

“Why not tell Yeji then?”

Hyunjin stopped walking. 

“Cos she’ll tell mom. Lol.”

“And that’s a problem?”

Hyunjin laughed again.

“Yeah. She won’t like it.”

  
  


Seungmin turned from the sky to his friend, let his face give a reassuring smile. 

“Don’t worry. If you explain, I’m sure Yeji’ll understand.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes stared at nowhere in particular, even though he was facing Seungmin, the melancholy in them making Seungmin feel a more graying worse in the depths of his ribcage again. 

“Hyunjin-ah,” Seungmin cringed at how he sounded as upset as his friend when he was the one who was supposed to be consoling, “Hyunjin-ah. Really. Try talking it out. You two don’t fight like this. Yeji’s worried-”

“That’s the thing. Yeji Yeji Yeji. She just worries; never actually does anything,” Hyunjin muttered, his shoulders slumping as he began walking again. 

“You can’t just say that,” Seungmin felt exasperated. Why was this so hard?

  
  


“Minnie, I appreciate you going out of your way to help us but we can deal with each other, okay?” 

Seungmin bit his lip, wincing at how the air rang with discomfort, with Hyunjin’s bitterness that he knew wasn’t bitterness; just Hwang Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin closed to the world when it came to himself. He sighed. 

“Have you tried talking?” 

  
  


Hyunjin didn’t respond. Kept walking. So did Seungmin, watching the sun dip at the bottom of the horizon of the city building outlines they could see from their descent down the hilly street, watching the clouds breathtakingly curl around each other in a masterpiece of grey and purple and orange, a scene he’d watch forever if it didn’t contain the air of friends who were asses at communication. A part of him wished he’d never come back to see Hyunjin, but the rest of him knew his friend, knew it took more than one try to crack through him, to uncover the pure pure honesty and heart filled with nothing but love; Hyunjin’s rarest display, but his truest one. The very thought of it was seemingly cheesy, but it was what made Seungmin like the boy even more. 

He watched the sun slip lower, glowered at how it looked like it had everything figured out every day, the world at its feet, the clouds dancing for it. If only he had what the sun did. 

  
  


Hyunjin stopped walking again. Seungmin ran into his back in surprise. 

  
  


“What the hell is that?”

Seungmin rubbed his eyes from the impact, squinting at the point in the sky Hyunjin’s finger pointed to. There, in the middle of Seoul’s sunset-painted swirls of clouds, a small tornado-like streak was forming. Swirls of corn trails and cotton clouds, curling downwards in the shape of a cone; an image standing out against the orange of the sky. Seungmin held his breath in surprise. It almost looked like-

“Looks like something falling from the sky,” Hyunjin spoke in awe, immediately pulling out his phone. 

Seungmin stared, watched the trail grow longer above them, moving towards the ground in a beautiful swirl. He leaned forward to zoom in on its tip in Hyunjin’s phone camera. 

“It is,” He added in disbelief. 

There was something gently gleaming yellow at the tip of the cloud swirl. Something falling. 

“IS THAT AN ASTEROID??” Hyunjin’s eyes widened, zooming on the camera as well. 

“What the hell,” Seungmin couldn’t even blink where he stood, frozen to the spot. 

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin snapped his head to him, his eyes wide, “Let’s go see where it’s falling.”

Seungmin didn’t need to be suggested twice. His mouth split in a grin, all his frustration from the boy vanishing, completely forgotten. They were witnessing a miracle. Hyunjin’s face lighting up was contagious. Before he knew it, the two were running like they’d never ran before, Seoul’s sunset ablaze behind and in front of them like it ruled the city. They were laughing as they ran into the city, ignoring the blare of its traffic as Hyunjin pointed out the abandoned warehouse just two intersections away from their school building as they drew nearer and nearer to the mysterious streak in the sky. Something about running always made Seungmin feel elated like nothing else, feel like nothing in the world existed but that moment of the wind rushing against him. 

“HERE,” Hyunjin yelled over the sound of the main road cars, “I THINK IT LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD FALL SOMEWHERE HERE!”

Seungmin slowed his jog to look upwards, feeling a bit strange how no one else in Seoul had noticed the gigantic streak in the middle of the sky. One glance around the throng of people moving around him made him realise no one cared. Absolutely no one cared about mysterious miracles in a city that moved a million miles a minute. The thought made him feel oddly special out of nowhere. He was one of the few to notice the sky, perhaps; one of the few who actually had time to notice. 

“I think so too,” he huffed, halting outside the warehouse’s entrance which was right under the swirl of clouds. 

  
  


“Hyunjin,” Seungmin felt his hands shake as they fell by his side. His body was radiating like a heater, face drenched in sweat. 

“Seungmin?” Hyunjin was staring up at the sky with him. 

“What the hell is that?”

  
  
  
  


The streak was slowly slowly descending, gorgeously ridiculously slow like someone had pressed a slow-motion film effect on it. Hyunjin was right. Something _was_ falling. A blob of gold. Seungmin watched it leave sparling streaks through the white cloud trail it was falling from, watched it grow closer and closer to realise it was more than a blob. It was a curled up body. The figure of a boy with his eyes screwed shut, shining golden hair floating around his head, his arms wrapped around his knees, watched it move closer and closer to them, his mouth hanging open. Quite possibly the most magical sight he’d ever see in his life. 

  
  


The streak of gold was glowing, the boy suspended in the air as he was with the clouds gently descending him. Seungmin watched him lower into the warehouse’s yard, lighting up its rusted fence and weed-filled ground with his halo. The sight was as hypnotising as it could be, of course it was. 

  
  


And then of course, crash.

To say Seungmin and Hyunjin were shaken at the sound was an understatement. Hyunjin shrieked and probably jumped back at least 5 feet, while Seungmin stumbled. It was a snap back into reality from the way they’d watched the figure elegantly descend like some crazy celestial being, and perhaps them being entranced had made them overlook exactly how fast and close the figure was, for when it did fall, the crash thundered in the yard, sending dust clouds flying all around it, the noise and impact making Seungmin shut his eyes and cough. 

“This is some Naruto level fuckery,” Hyunjin commented, finally regaining composure and staring at the mass of dust and clouds where the figure had landed, laying limp. 

“No shit.”

  
  


Slowly, the two walked over to where the boy had landed, footsteps wary. 

“What if it’s an alien who might eat us?”

Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows. What were the chances it was radioactive and he was two minutes away from all his cells being grilled?

“SEUNGMIN,” Hyunjin continued his antsy whispering, “Are we witnessing the beginning of a zombie apocalypse?”

Seungmin stopped walking. On any other occasion, he wouldn’t give a second thought to Hyunjin’s absurd apprehensions, but this was definitely weird as hell. If a glowing guy could fall from the sky right before his eyes then what was the bet on zombies being real? 

Before he could say anything, rushing footsteps sounded behind them, a sound Seungmin was slowly getting tired of. Every climax-reaching moment he’d had since that morning had always been interrupted by the unannounced arrival of someone. 

“FELIX,” someone yelled. Seungmin winced at the voice. 

  
  


Han Jisung, out of breath, deep purple and deep blue hair flying around his face, thundered through the beat up warehouse entrance, pushed past Seungmin and Hyunjin and towards where the figure had fallen right into the clouds of dust surrounding him. Before Seungmin could even register what was going on, Jisung fell to his knees by the figure, shaking his shoulders and calling the name he’d called earlier. 

“Felix, wake up. Please wake up, Felix-” 

Felix woke up, at least that was who Seungmin assumed Felix was. His eyes opened after a bit of bleary blinking, a muffled groan as he stretched his limbs from where he was curled in a faded grey sweatshirt and cuffed track pants. To Seungmin’s surprise, Jisung’s mouth broke into a huge smile. Felix’s eyes glowed in an outer-worldly way, like crystals of brown sugar syrup, shedding a strange light of their own onto his small heart-shaped face. Seungmin watched in awe as the boy re-positioned himself to a cross-legged position, sleepily smiling up at Jisung as long unruly pale blonde locks of soft soft hair fell into his eyes that he blew at gently with his mouth. A halo of warm soft gold light seemed to emanate from his body, something so absurdly beautiful that Seungmin had no idea how to stop staring. 

“God, I thought I’d never see you again,” Jisung spoke, pulling the golden boy into a hug that resulted in a joyful melodic laugh from the depths of the blonde’s throat. 

“I told you I’d join you,” Felix grinned, seemingly completely unfazed by the alarmingly harsh crash he’d just had, now turning his head to where Seungmin and Hyunjin stood spectating with their mouths open. He waved, turning Jisung’s attention to them as well. 

“Who’re- who’re you-” before Seungmin could finish, Felix beamed.

“Felix. Lee Felix, and you must be who I’m looking for.”

Seungmin felt something roll in the pit of his stomach.

  
  


“ _What_?”

  
  


“You know, how Han’s here for your friend Hyunjin,” Felix pointed towards the taller boy next to him like it was the most logical thing in the world. 

“Han’s _what??”_

Seungmin turned to Hyunjin in disbelief, who in turn was watching Han, eyes locked in a trance like he’d forgotten anyone else was even there. 

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin spoke, mind crashing in confusion. Hyunjin still stared in his daze. 

  
  


“You- you know him?” Seungmin asked Han who was still holding on to Felix. 

Slowly, Han nodded.

“ _HOW?_ ”

The blue-haired boy bit his lip. 

“‘Cos I’m his soulmate.”

Seungmin was 80% convinced this was some insane dream he couldn’t wake up from. 

  
  


“Am I dreaming?? That guy just fell from the fucking sky and now you showed up out of nowhere and you know him _and_ Hyunjin who’s hypnotised now for some reason??? What the hell is even going on?!”

Jisung blinked, waiting for Seungmin to finish like he totally expected it. Seungmin hated how calm he looked.

“I-”

“I know this is going to sound kind of insane-” Jisung started and Seungmin laughed. 

“Your eyes are shining with blue glitter and there’s a glowing boy from the clouds next to you. I’ll take anything at this point,” 

“Good, ‘cos I was going to tell you that I’m from there too,” Jisung added, “the clouds, I mean. Felix’s from the realm of the day, and I’m from twilight.”

“Understandable,” Seungmin mumbled. Asteroids, he could understand. This?

“You don’t have to believe this if you don’t want to,” it was Jisung who laughed this time, “but I really am. You saw Felix for yourself.”

“How’d you come here then?”

“Our souls, they’re possessed by the spirits of time and space, you could say. Felix got chosen when he was 10, and I got chosen when I was 14, which I’m sure you remember,” Jisung explained, “You remember me disappearing in 7th grade, don’t you?”

  
  


Seungmin nodded after a second of thought. 

  
  


“I-I got into an accident, got taken to a hospital in a comma,” Jisung’s voice shook for a second, ”I have no memory of what happened to me up there, but all I do remember is my last memories in this timeline, and then Felix somehow entered the hazy floating days I had, and really it was- it was weird as hell because it’d only felt like a few days in this eternal sunset I was stuck in with this boy I could see stuck in the sun. I don’t-” Jisung squinted, “I don’t _know_ what happened, I really don’t, but I felt like I’d met someone who healed every inch of me.” He met Seungmin’s eyes. Seungmin sucked in a breath. It did feel like he was watching the sunset swimming across him. It did, like the eeriest feeling in the world. 

“And then I blinked? And I was falling, just falling like Felix did, only it didn’t hurt at all, almost as if the clouds were cushioning me. All I could hear was this voice in my head telling me I was given a second chance to live, only so I could give someone else one. That- that someone’s Hyunjin, and I’ve no idea who he is besides what he looks like, and I wish I could explain it but-”

“It’s okay,” Seungmin spoke. 

  
  


“It’s okay.”

  
  
  


Jisung nodded. Felix, who had been quiet, now pulled himself to his feet along with Jisung. 

He walked over to Seungmin and Hyunjin, again slow and beautiful like some scene out of a movie. 

  
  


“Can you find us a place to stay?”

  
  


“You’ll need to find shoes first,” Hyunjin blurted. Felix laughed, lifting the white socks on his bare feet. 

“Yeah,” his eyes gleamed, warmth radiating from where he stood like he was some super saiyan, “Those too.”

Seungmin sighed, cogs whirring in his forehead. 

  
  


“I’ll find somewhere,” he said. Felix looped an arm around his, beaming again and truly uncannily resembling the sun embodied in a person. Seungmin was sure this would take getting used to.

“Hyunjin-” he paused, “Did _you_ know Han?”

Hyunjin nodded, blush blooming on his cheeks.

“Saw him at the bakery first last week. He comes every day.”

“Is that why you’re working-” 

“Yes,” Hyunjin loudly cut him, his blush deepening as he began to walk out towards the road.

“I’m only telling you this because you know already, so don’t mention it again,” he added with a frown to mask the very apparent embarrassment on his face. 

“Oh,” the thing in the pit of Seungmin’s stomach was straight up flipping over now, “I won’t.”

Jisung uncomfortably watched Hyunjin walk out as they followed behind at a slower pace, and Seungmin could swear his eyes were watching him with pity. 

“Seungmin.”

“Yes?” 

“You don’t have to find us a place. I already found one. Felix doesn’t know yet,” Jisung spoke, fingers playing with the hem of his jacket. 

Seungmin quirked an eyebrow.

  
  


“I can walk you there then,” he replied, his voice quiet, “We can catch up.”

  
  


For the first time that day, Jisung looked happy, his eyes crinkling into a starry smile. 

“Let’s go then,” he spoke, wrapping his own arm with Felix’s free one. 

  
  
  


Hyunjin was waiting at the main road for them. 

“I’ll talk to Yeji,” he told Seungmin. Seungmin nodded and said nothing else. Behind them, twilight had already fallen.

  
  


-

  
  
  
  


He didn't know what in him forgave Jisung so fast. Was it the way he didn't look like the Jisung he'd known at all, or because in his smallest gestures (the shine in his eyes, his mouth suddenly breaking into wide smiles, his oversized midnight blue flannel and trusty big black boots and the way he'd appear shoulders stiff when he knew someone he truly valued was upset with him, when otherwise he'd always be the laid-back guy, the guy who walked with his chin up and a grin on his face, the way his laugh sounded so much like the hometown he'd so happily grown up in, the sound of his best friend who had made every day better when they'd been young). Seungmin knew he wasn't one with words, and he hoped Jisung remembered that. Arguably, he was in his own way, still in gloom over not being with his friend for so many years, but the thought of Jisung going through pain and Seungmin never even knowing about it had staked him in the heart, an arrow-head's wound. He'd been through pain in these past years too, but how was any of it as grave and huge as almost having your life taken? He felt like it'd shatter very often, he'd say, but to be fair, he'd never really shattered. He was lying to himself. He knew exactly why he'd forgiven Han Jisung so fast, but he'd never admit it. 

The thing, about Kim Seungmin, was that he could never refuse your face if you came to him in pain. 

Next to him, Jisung walked, his gait longer than Seungmin was used to, for Jisung had always been the shortest in their group. Now he was barely a few centimeters shorter than Seungmin, which was a surprise. Would he have gotten used to it if they'd grown up together? Seungmin's eyes found themselves trained on his friend, when really, he should've been paying more attention to the Lee Felix who'd straight up arrived from the sun before his eyes. Han had only claimed to, yet Seungmin, failing all logical rational parts of his brain, found him believing this fairytale right off the bat, not even bothering to process it. Fairy tales probably existed on some basis, didn't they? There was that one psychology study of humans being incapable of dreaming things they'd not already been aware of as concepts. Where did concepts come from? Surely, surely fairies had a root too, just like boys in comas suddenly possessed by the sky. Yeah, this was a first for humankind, and Seungmin frankly wasn't mentally available for global media and press attention to uncover the true mystery behind this very surreal happening, but if it happened, it happened. Didn't it? So many other phenomena of nature happened; the odds might as well be that space and time have a glitch modern physics has still failed to be aware of. The odds were always there. 

Even if they weren't, Lee Felix was glowing next to him, and Han's eyes had glitter floating in their irises, and their arms were pretty well looped with his. Enough for him to undeniably accept that they were real. What Hyunjin had perceived so far wasn't his headache. He had his own to deal with. 

He watched Jisung, again. Again. Still unable to believe this. From the back of his mind, the lyrics of Phoebe Birdgers' Garden Song floated to explain the sight his eyes were helplessly trying to register.

_(I don't know how, but I'm taller_

  
_It must be something in the water)_   
  
  
  


Seungmin and Jisung talked about a lot of things. Seungmin talked about how angry he’d been at Jisung disappearing and Jisung apologised again even though Seungmin told him he didn’t need to. They talked about how they’d never imagined such days to come to them back in middle school. Jisung asked how his parents were doing, and after a minute of thought, Seungmin told him about his dad’s heart attack the previous summer, about his mom’s leg hurting no matter what medicine she took, but them being fine otherwise. Jisung promised to visit them and the thought made Seungmin smile. His mom had always been fond of the energetic boy. Felix and Hyunjin invited along as well, for Seungmin was sure his mother wouldn’t say no to them, now would she? 

_(Everything's growing in our garden_   
_You don't have to know that it's haunted)_

Their walk was curving upwards and past Seungmin’s neighbourhood, but he chose to not ask any questions as Jisung continued leading the way. Jisung asked about all the friends they’d had, and a fond smile grew on Seungmin’s face.

“Lia, Beomgyu, Soobin, Minho and Taehyun are still here,” he told him, “with me.”

“Oh, yeah. I met Minho,” Jisung nodded. The movement would make his hair shift every time and really, at this point Seungmin wasn’t even hiding his eyes fixating on the purple and orange strands that would show in between. 

“I really like the hair,” it slipped out of his mouth before he could help it. Jisung gave him a shy smile, surprising Seungmin. The old Jisung he remembered would totally gloat at any compliment. This Jisung was calculated, careful and hushed. Was it the time that had passed between them? Maybe he’d warm up to him in a while and return to the way he was. It was already a shock that Han Jisung knew the route to a place when he’d been the boy who forgot the way to school if Seungmin didn’t walk with him every day. These small small changes in his friends would hit him out of nowhere every once in a while, and he still didn’t know how to feel about it. He himself had barely changed, but he wondered if someone noticed anything like this about him too. The thought was negative. He'd never voiced what he'd observed, then why would his friends? They probably did. They probably did care for him, like he did for them. Perhaps not everything needed to be said out loud. Maybe it could be said once in a while on end-of-year parties or birthdays, and that had been enough so far, hadn't it? For once, he was glad he hadn't spiralled into thinking poorly of his friends like he might've a year ago when his mental health had been a true ass, always getting a bit too emotional and less rational, choosing to follow the train of thought that led to more intense and exaggeratedly tragic conclusions. The reflection made him glad that he'd grown. Phoebe Bridgers still fit, fit too this too, he thought with a smile. 

_(The doctor put her hands over my liver_

  
_She told me my resentment's getting smaller)_

“How’re Beomgyu and Taehyun doing? Still attached on the hip?” Jisung asked, completely unaware of Seungmin’s expanded cloud of thoughts. 

“Beomgyu and Taehyun?? They can’t even stand in the same room now,” Seungmin laughed. 

“ _What?_ ” Jisung stopped walking, “They were inseparable!” 

“Not anymore. They had some fight like a year or two ago and they’ll never talk. Not to mention Beomgyu will absolutely floor the other guy if he even breathes.”

“Damn,” Jisung echoed, “must be hard to live with.”

Seungmin shrugged. “We got used to it at one point because they refused to talk no matter what we did. Now it’s even a bit funny.”

“People change, I guess,” Jisung commented. Seungmin watched him stop at the corner of a familiar street while Felix amiably explained to Hyunjin how he had no shadow since, in theory he was light itself.

“Yeah, people change.”

“Are you saying the sun has no shadow?” Hyunjin exclaimed. Felix stared at him, appalled that anything about his extremely surreal nature wasn’t common knowledge.

“since the sun emits light itself, it would only result in a true shadow if there were a stronger level of illumination on _that object_ ,” he added with an eyeroll, “coming from a source _behind_ the sun, and since there’s nothing like that here-”

“You have no shadow,” Hyunjin slapped his arm in awe. 

“We’re here,” Jisung announced, trekking past the street’s corner to stop at the first 4-story building around the turn. 

“Changbin and Chan hyung’s place?!” Both Hyunjin and Seungmin spoke together. Jisung gave a confused nod. 

“You know them too?” 

Hyunjin shared a look with him, his face holding back a laugh.

“Today just gets more and more absurd.” 

“No shit.”

Jisung glanced between them awkwardly. “Small world, I guess,” he spoke, walking past the gate and up the flight of steps with the others following behind. Felix chose to move in some elaborate ballet move instead, claiming it would dirty the soles of his socks less. 

“Not that I’m surprised by you anymore, but how’d you meet these Changbin and Chan hyung?” Seungmin asked amusedly as he climbed up the staircase to the third floor apartment, a path he’d practically memorised by how often he came here. 

  
  


Jisung turned his head as he stopped by the front door, slipping off his laced up boots, a strange look on his face, as if unsure how to respond. 

  
  


“ ‘Cos Chan hyung’s Felix’s soulmate.”

"Didn't- didn't he say he was here for me?" 

Jisung's eyes weren't able to hide the pity they had for Seungmin, and like that, they stood there in the stairwell, a dreadful confusion buzzing around Seungmin's mind. 

"I'd explain, if I could," Jisung said again. It wasn't as if he was very fazed for he had no attachment to the new boy to begin with, but the blatant lack of understanding in what was even happening was getting to him now. That, or there was a tinge of a nameless disappointment settling in him that he had no idea what to do with: something he hadn't asked to hold, yet was made to.

Around them, Felix's presence had toasted the hallway like an oven despite the winter evening. 

Seungmin said nothing in return, just wished it didn't.

  
  
  
  
  


_(And the old widow goes to the stone every day_

  
  
  


_But I don't, I just sit here and wait_

_Grieving for the living)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics from taylor swift's ivy. sorry for hurting seungmin, and for the amount of events shoved into one chapter and the lack of processing anything. in good time, seungmin will reflect on whatever the hell just happened. its 2021, does anything even faze you anymore? 
> 
> thanku for comments n kudos <3


	4. weather boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are people drifting away or are they drifting close?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meet chan. bon apple teeth

Bang Chan was a strange affair. The group had acquainted the older in high-school, an eccentric jolly senior who’d been a friend of Minho before the younger ones had moved into high-school, and Seungmin could still vividly recall being squished into a hug by the smiling Australian athlete the very first time Minho amusedly introduced them to each other. He’d even taken them all out for ice-cream in orientation week, and Beomgyu had gotten down on one knee and proposed to the older on the spot, to which Chan had simply laughed. The proposal was taken back quite unceremoniously without a second thought the first time Beomgyu heard him unleash his treasure chest of abhorrently cheesy pick-up lines.

It grew on them eventually. They’d put up with Taehyun’s ever-persistent indecisiveness whenever they had to choose a movie, with Minho refusing to stop suggesting sharing food mouth to mouth was a better idea than just handing it to each other, with Lia falling asleep anywhere and everywhere she got the chance and thus needing to be lugged around; the five of them were a combo meal made by fate when it had probably tripped down a flight of stairs and had his brain utterly woolly, in Beomgyu’s words. Yet somehow they made up for each other’s jagged edges, moulded themselves to fit, and somehow Chan, Changbin and Hyunjin had too.

  
  


Still, after that year of Chan growing a firm part of their group along with Hyunjin and Changbin, something Seungmin had had to experience for the first time was one of them leaving for college. Enter post freshman summer, and they were all helping Chan pack his bedroom into boxes to move to SNU on a sports scholarship (and a scholarship for whatever else thousands of extracurriculars he’d excelled in). Seungmin remembered waving till his arm hurt when Chan had driven off for his first semester, remembered the nostalgia he’d always feel when he’d walk or skate past the Bangs’ old house. He’d only spent a year with Chan, but it was enough to solidify a firm place in Seungmin’s heart. Seungmin had always chosen friends carefully, but when he’d heard of how Chan had looked after Minho all of his freshman years, he found himself trusting the older immediately. 

Chan quoted Netflix rom-coms and sang Ed Sheeran and every trending pop love song there was without caring who judged, always established that he’d pay for their food, helped each of them with class projects he’d already gone through, got shy at compliments but always told them his home was available if anyone ever wanted to come over, which they all found themselves doing. It was the same now that he’d gotten his own apartment halfway through freshman year as a music major, for the lack of college tuition and well-earning parents he’d won over gave him the luxury of moving out of the university dorms right after his first semester. Chan was a calculated person who got what he planned almost always, something Seungmin constantly found awe-striking. 

Freshmans had a thing for being blissfully ignorant to the struggles of seniors, and Seungmin’d say he was one of them. Sure, he hadn’t noticed the days Chan would pace around in sleepless nights, be unable to eat anything before his pSAT, fill out 5 million college apps and recheck them 4 times each, for he had no older sibling of his own. College had been something that seemed easily transitioned into, the way they all moved from middle to high school. 

“How hard could it be?” he’d thought as a freshman, how could anything be harder than trying to understand whatever the hell the lymphatic system was, and why they chose to skip it in middle school biology. 

  
  


Standing in the now open doorway of Chan’s apartment, dimly lit by the evening, he watched Minho and Changbin sit cross-legged on the living room floor across him, hands flying over a sheet of paper, calculators and textbooks strewn around them and a stopwatch on Minho’s phone ominously beeping. As per best friend/neighbour who practically lived at his house privilege, he’d gotten to see Minho prepare for college a bit more first-hand compared to Chan, and really, Seungmin had to change every naive thought he’d had about the struggle of the transition he’d barely ever given thought to. This shit was hard. Insanely hard. He couldn’t imagine himself in the same shoes a year later. 

  
  


“Would you look at that,” Chan’s voice rang from the back of the living room as he emerged from the kitchenette, “New arrivals.”

It seemed Han had already informed the older three of his nature, and of him bringing home a new friend, for Chan didn’t seem at all surprised, rather just walked over to the boys taking off their shoes by the entrance, save for Felix who was suddenly uncharacteristically quiet when he’d chatted the entire way there. Seungmin toed off his shoe and looked up to see why. 

  
  


One look was enough for him to know what Jisung had meant. Chan’s curling blonde hair was illuminated by the soft halo that still shone from Felix, his hand frozen where it was, suspended in front of him holding onto a mug, the greeting he was about to give the other three left forgotten in his mouth. The two stood there in a spell none of them knew how to interrupt, or even come near to, for that matter. Just eyes locked in each other like two star-crossed lovers meeting after decades. Perhaps that might even be what this was, Seungmin thought. He rested his hands in his hoodie, still watching the two staring at each other because he had nothing else to do. How many romantic miracles had he witnessed since that morning anyway? The last one he’d expected was by Chan hyung’s shoe rack, but it was okay, he figured. Felix made the place warm, and watching people star-struck for each other gave Seungmin nice butterflies in his stomach, the ones he didn’t mind. Was he smiling? He was probably smiling.

“Hi, I’m - Felix,” Felix spoke, voice startlingly several octaves deeper than what it had been previously, taking Seungmin back a little. _How_ was that voice coming from such a small pixie-looking boy? 

“Oh, hey,” Chan was still very obviously staring, unable to snap out of his daze. Felix smiled softly. 

“Can I borrow some slippers?”

Hyunjin and Han giggled next to them, walking past the entrance with Seungmin trailing behind, each of them slapping a hand on Chan’s shoulder. Seungmin pulled off his coat, taking a seat next to Minho and cradling his chin in his palm. The older only spared him a glance before returning to aggressively scribbling math equations onto his question sheet, eyes shooting to the timer next to him every few seconds. Seungmin amiably counted down along with it, choosing to not react to Jisung also sitting down on the ground right next to him, his knee brushing with his own. Changbin didn’t even lift his head. 

“5, 4, 3,” the three younger chimed together at the older two, “2-”

“1! Drop your fucking pens SAT boys!” Hyunjin exclaimed. Minho tossed his pencil at 2, triumphantly booing at Changbin who threw his only after Hyunjin wrestled it out of his grip. ‘MinBin SAT marathon’ as nicknamed by Minho was one of their favourite activities to overlook, for Changbin was terrifyingly good at the math section, and equally poor at English. Minho on the other hand, was a mystery, since no one ever really saw him studying, just acing every exam and test he gave. Changbin didn’t even hide his list of insults for such people, and Seungmin would occasionally join him. Deserved.

The two turned to finally meet Felix, and Seungmin watched the comical change of expressions on their faces like some animated scene out of a movie, mouths speechless for a second, eyes unblinking even though they’d been pre-informed of his arrival.

“Are you- are you _glowing_?” Changbin asked.

Felix looked down at his torso and nodded happily. 

“Last time I checked, yeah.”

“ _HOW_???”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy,” the glowing blonde in question snickered, resulting in a chortle from them all, even Minho, and a burst of laughter from Chan, who Seungmin decided, found it a bit too funny. 

“Is that vine 8 years old already?” Hyunjin asked.

“Fuck, I’m _old,_ ” Minho breathed out. 

Seungmin looked up from his phone where he’d googled it.

“It’s from 2017..” he narrowed his eyes at Felix, “Did you lie to us??”

“About what?” Felix blinked confusedly. 

“Han said you disappeared when you were 10,” Seungmin spoke. 

“The fuck??” Felix exclaimed as he jumped on his toes, “Listen, I CRASHED IN AUGUST 2017! I was on my way back from my basketball match and my mom and I turned on the way back to get donuts, these sick ones from that are glazed and the fucking size of-”

“LANGUAGE. Aren’t you 14?!” Chan sputtered from where he stood. 

“I’M NOT FOURTEEN,” Felix shouted, looking like he was about to cry, his hair curling at the raise of his volume and sending a wave of gold shimmer across his head. Seungmin stifled a laugh. Hyunjin didn’t.

“Han said you were 10-” 

“How the _hell_ would Han know how old I am when I never told him-”

“YOU SEEMED TINY, I ASSUMED YOU WERE 10, OKAY,” Han stood up a bit too affronted, “WHAT ABOUT IT?”

Felix looked ready to screech.

“NO I'M THE SAME AGE AS YOU,” he spoke. "Dumbass," he added, voice suddenly so many octaves deep again that it immediately shushed Han and Chan who had opened their mouths to argue further.

“Dude, maybe you might even be older,” Hyunjin spoke up in awe. Felix gave a blinding smile and took a seat next to the boy, completely forgetting his argument. 

“Yo Chan, you can use his voice for samples for your son-” Changbin eagerly spoke only to have Chan aggressively placing a finger on his mouth before he too took a seat next to them.

“So our first problem is helping you catch up-” Chan spoke, his arms crossed, “-with everything after 2017 so you can go out and not have any trouble.”

Seungmin never ceased in being amazed by how thoughtful Chan’d always be. 

Felix nodded. “Good idea. I want to know what I missed too. Question 1: do you still say yeet?”

Han facepalmed, wiping nonexistent tears. “I missed this dumbass so much.”

“I have an idea. I’ll make you a twitter and an instagram so you can catch up with news and trends there the fastest!” Hyunjin piped up to which Felix let out a little happy sound. 

“Wait- I don’t have a phone,” he frowned, “Also who’s the prime minister right now?”

“No worries. I got an old one I just changed a few days ago,” Changbin spoke, the ever-reliable sparkly ridiculously smirk bright on his face. Seungmin was a bit too busy finding it mildly attractive when the room burst into noise after that.

“We can share clothes!”

“YOU CAN WATCH NARUTO WITH ME!!”

“You need to watch Buzzfeed Unsolved first-”

“You wanna see my cats?”

“Oh, do you have any allergies?”

“How’d you take a shit up in the sky? Did it fall on us?”

“You don’t mind taking the couch till I dig out a mattress by tomorrow, do you?”

“Dude, you haven’t eaten for like 3 years. The hell you been living on? Sun JUICE??”

“I’ll make us some ramen.”

“No, I’ll make it. You suck.”

“YOU SUCK.”

“I’M YOUR HYUNG, FUCKER.”

“Well you suck, _hyung.”_

“You think I’ll let you get away with that just because you’re pretty?!”

“You think I’m-” Han paused, forgetting to argue back but a huge grin on his face, “-pretty?”

Minho and Chan let out a whistle, clapping while Changbin threw his head back in laughter.

“That was a good one,” he slapped Han’s shoulder. “Go make ramen for everyone now.”

Jisung grinned, standing up to head to the kitchenette in his socked feet, Hyunjin’s eyes trailing him while Seungmin’s trailed on Hyunjin. 

“I don’t know how I survived, but really, I don’t care much as long as I did,” Felix finally spoke. Seungmin wanted his level of unbothered. 

“You want to watch a movie then?” he blurted out of nowhere, not even realising he’d spoken. The 5 watched him surprise, Felix the quickest to smile widely at him. 

“Oh, I’d love to!”

“Chan hyung, can we do Avengers: Infinity War?” Chan nodded. 

“How many Avengers movies did I miss, Oh my GOD I FORGOT I MISSED THOSE!!”

“2-3,” Seungmin grinned, sticking out a hand to Minho and Felix to pull them up and drag them to the TV. Felix’s hand was even warmer than his presence, unbelievably soft and small. The blonde happily intertwined their fingers and swung them while Minho pulled his away the second he stood. For some reason, Felix made Seungmin want to smile just as hard as him, so he did. 

They were setting up the movie on the TV when Han and Changbin joined them, carrying a giant pot of ramen and a thousand chopsticks in one fist.

“Oh my, is this the one where Iron Man-” Changbin was cut short by Minho slapping a hand on his face. 

“ALRIGHT, I’M NOT SAYING ANYTHING.” 

Minho grinned and took a seat next to Seungmin on the couch again, blowing on his share of steaming noodles, the movie finally beginning punctuated by Felix and Han’s endless gasps and ‘woahs’ and yelling at every small scene. Seungmin watched the two fondly, not even his incomplete assignment waiting for him right now dampening his mood. It had been a ridiculously spontaneous and unpredictable day, but really as it neared an end with Minho mixing Seungmin’s serving of ramen for him too and the two new boys in their group just somehow gelling in lie they were meant to, it didn’t feel as bad. This couldn’t lead to anything worse, could it?

  
  


“Oh, sorry Lee-Know hyung,” Seungmin muttered as his elbow accidentally knocked against the older’s bowl. Minho shrugged it off, too engrossed in the movie. 

“Why’d you call him Lee-Know hyung; you never told us,” Changbin spoke from the other end of the couch, shovelling chips into his face. 

Seungmin exchanged a look with Minho, a grin forming on both their faces.

“Fun story, actually- let’s wait for the movie to end,” he whispered over the screen’s sound. 

“Nah, tell now,” Chan clicked pause on the movie, resulting in groans from Hyunjin, Felix and Han as he stood up, “I’m getting more popcorn,” he added, at which the groans immediately turned into cheers. 

Seungmin cleared his throat, putting on his best narrator face. Story-telling was his fort, his expertise, his art of expression, of embodying each persona he narrated with enough energy that he could proudly say he’d be voted best event-recounter in the group. Sitting up straight, he let the memory flood his mind and launched into his favourite story. 

  
  
  
  
  


**[memory:]**

  
  
  


The last thing he remembered was asking for a pass, all concentration trained on the football in Kang Taehyun’s feet, and a second of Taehyun yelling an affirmation later it had hit him square in the head, knocking him off his feet along with every noise in the park’s football field. 

  
  


Seungmin’s mind was spinning, eyes struggling to stay open and the little vision they allowed clouded. He reached out a hand to make sure it wasn’t just his hair blocking them. Was that sand in his hair? His mom had made him wash them just this morning. Seungmin internally groaned at the thought of what she’d say if he went home like this. Seungmin hated washing his hair in winters. He attempted to dust it only to realise he’d gotten his mittens dirty this way. Life was pretty hard for a 6 year old. He blinked, giving his head a shake to get rid of the sand only to realise _that_ was a mistake because his head was spinning! Now it spun more. This felt downright stupid and Seungmin was supposed to be a smart kid. Maybe the football had damaged Seungmin’s intelligence. What if he never got it back???

Alarmed, Seungmin tried to knead the sides of his forehead, groaning as the pain in it fluctuated from less to more to less to more. He’d been on the far end of the field so he could only faintly hear the rest of the team run towards him. Kang Taehyun was undoubtedly the best player in school and though Seungmin acknowledged his talents, some part of his 6-year old brain decided it was too big a hit to his pride to admit Kang Taehyun’s kick was strong enough to cripple Seungmin into not being fit to continue in the game anymore. He quickly rubbed at the water coming from his eyes, the action making his head spin even more. Could he lift his head? He had to lift his head. The muffled sound of footsteps drew closer and Seungmin tried to recognise them, only failing to do so. His head hurt. God, it hurt a lot.

“You okay?” Seungmin squinted at the boy looming over his sprawled figure. Since when was Kang Taehyun a brunette? Seungmin squinted more. Soobin? Han? Which of his friends was this? The boy’s features were blurred in Seungmin’s eyes, and amusingly, the curiosity of who this was took over the pain shooting through Seungmin’s head. 

“Who're you?” Seungmin managed to mumble and have it come out as garbled gibberish. The boy ignored the question, crouching and placing a palm under Seungmin’s head, resulting in Seungmin wincing. 

“You’ve hurt your head. Don’t move,” the boy spoke, his tone unusually close to Seungmin’s mother. He sounded older than Seungmin’s friends. 

“M’ fine!” Seungmin resisted the other hand pressing down on his coat-clad chest. The hand pushed him down further, for which Seungmin was inwardly glad. If the other boys made fun of him for not being able to get up later, he could blame it on the older age of the boy holding him down. 

“You’re Seungmin, right? Let’s get you home,” the older boy who had now finished inspecting Seungmin for anymore injuries, spoke followed by murmuring something he couldn’t catch, almost as if his brain was falling asleep. Seungmin closed his eyes, feeling someone gently lift his head and torso. He kept them closed, focusing on the nice warmth of being pressed against the older boy, a surprisingly nice change from lying on the cold filthy football ground. How did the boy know he was called Seungmin? Was Seungmin famous without realising?

“How’d- howdyu know I’m-“ Seungmin frowned with his eyes still half-closed,”I’m Kim Seungmin?” 

“Cos your friends kept yelling it,” the boy answered, now slowly walking as he carried Seungmin. The realisation startled Seungmin who immediately squirmed. 

“I CAN WALK!” he exclaimed, only to groan as another burst of pain shot in his head. 

“Seungminnie, don’t move!” a different softer voice spoke. Jisung? Soobin? No, Jisung wouldn’t sound so soft.

“Seungminnie, this is a hyung from my school. Don’t worry he’ll get you home!” Soobin’s voice assured him. He had a nice voice, a quiet voice. Seungmin nodded, only to have his head spin again. 

“Seungmin-ah, didn’t we just tell you to not move?” the boy holding him grunted, feet trudging on the rocky path out of the field. Seungmin blinked upwards, eyes blurred, every ounce of his brain wanting to fall asleep. So much pain. Sleep sounded good, especially in such a warm position. He could worry about how dirty his clothes were and who this boy was later. He focused on slowly drifting into a cloudy dream; warm warm sleep. Sleep.

“We’re home,” the boy announced. Behind him a whole army of feet shuffling to a stop sounded, which Seungmin realised was his friends all trailing after the older boy holding him. Seungmin’s attempt to sleep was fading. No, he must sleep now that he’d decided to. He kept his eyes shut, hearing the boy knock on Seungmin’s front door while the fleet of boys stood in tense respectful silence of the wounded. 

“IS SEUNGMIN GOING TO DIE?” someone yelled from the back, probably unable to handle the suspense. Seungmin wondered that too. Would he die at 6 from a football? The pain in his head sure felt like it. Would that make Kang Taehyun, the sweetest boy on earth, A MURDERER?? 

“Seungmin’s not dying, Jisung,” the older boy snapped, “he’s just going to need a little rest.”

“Oh, so like how I had to bed-rest after I broke my leg,” another boy spoke in proud understanding. Beomgyu, Seungmin recognised. Beomgyu had to rest a whole month after breaking his leg and missed their Annual Sports Day and Taehyun’s birthday party. What if the same thing happened to Seungmin? 

“Hyung, am i going to have to rest for a whole month?” Seungmin immediately spoke from where his face was squished in the boy's arm. The boy looked down, smiling a little for the first time. 

“Nah you aren’t bleeding. Just took a fat hit. You can get up tomorrow hopefully,” he flashed Seungmin a bigger smile, “I got a hit like this too once. Look at me now.” 

Seungmin hummed. The boy seemed fine. Though Seungmin wasn’t one to trust strangers so easily, he found himself following this boy’s words. He seemed pretty strong to hold someone for so long. Being Soobin’s hyung meant he must be cool. Would it be embarrassing if Seungmin fell asleep in front of such a cool boy? What even was taking his mom so long?

The door swung open just as he thought about it. Seungmin’s mom confusedly thanked the army of boys explaining what happened to her son in immediate chaotic union, with none of them making any sense and only making his head hurt more. He curled closer into the older boy’s jacket, frowning at the noise. The boy quietly whispered something to Seungmin’s mom who let him in while ensuring the rest that she would take good care of him. Their chatter died down as Seungmin felt the boy walk further into the house towards his living room couch. Seungmin didn’t know if he was glad or disappointed to be home because as warm as the house was, the boy’s hold had been warmer. But God was he sleepy. 

He registered being set down on the cushions, letting their softness pillow his aching head. His mom was pulling off his shoes and pulling them onto the couch while the boy was speaking to her in the same quiet voice as before. Seungmin couldn’t help but marvel how cool he sounded. Seungmin’s cool rescuer. He smiled. No way he’d ever get to befriend someone so cool again. 

“What’s-“ Seungmin spoke from in between the dreamy slips of unconsciousness and warmth overcoming him as he lay on the couch, “what’s your name?” 

The boy seemed to have been interrupted perhaps, from the look of his face, or maybe he was surprised to see Seungmin still awake when his eyes had been shut for so long. 

“Me?” he asked, tilting his head to a side so his silky brown hair did the same. Seungmin sleepily nodded.

The boy spoke something Seungmin couldn’t register. Lee something. Lee something no.

“Lee-no? Your name’s Lino?” Seungmin asked with the little energy left in him. What a funny name, he wondered. 

The boy laughed. “Close enough. Yeah, Call me Lee-no.” Such a nice laugh, Seungmin thought, one he’d like to hear again. Extra coolness.

Seungmin laughed too, wincing at how his head hurt from doing even that. 

“Funny. Thank you, Lee-know hyung.” 

The last last thing Seungmin saw before falling completely asleep was his new older friend’s face with his mom’s, both fondly watching him with as much warmth in their eyes as there’d been in their hands. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Chan returned, a huge bowl in his hand smelling absolutely irresistible. The movie was resumed after everyone had cooed over Seungmin’s younger days and to their delight, they were right at the scene Spider-Man entered the movie and the room erupted in cheers. 

“I know he’s playing a younger role in this movie, but if I ever saw Tom Holland in real life, I’d get down on one knee,” Changbin commented.

“Or both,” Hyunjin added.

“Hell yeah,” Changbin turned to grin at him, the two best friends dissolving in giggles as their eyes met. Seungmin let out a small one himself, not quite ready to share his opinion on the topic, but he truly had to agree as his eyes dragged themselves across the screen and the eccentric Peter Parker flew around in his fitted Spider-Man suit. Definitely crush material, the kind of guy everyone liked, obviously for everyone who liked guys. If he was even honest, Peter Parker gave him Changbin and Han energy the most if he had to choose, arguably even Felix but he didn’t know Felix well enough yet. What was the concept of opposites attracting then? Why would Changbin be attracted to someone just like himself?

  
  


“Dude, his _ABS_ and _ARMS._ Want,” Changbin was still going on to Felix next to him who solemnly nodded even though his own eyes had been locked on Chan’s exposed biceps next to him because for some inhumane reason, the college student wore sleeveless shirts even at the peak of winter. Minho had from time to time commented that it was his shameless way of guilt-tripping them all to work out with his muscles on display like some gym ad, not that it would work on him. (Ok, maybe a little.) Seungmin laughed to himself. Changbin was just being the big workout freak he was like Chan. 

  
  
  


Seungmin had never felt uncomfortable around this particular group of friends. Sure, he socialised with a handful of others besides them, kept up good conversations and acquaintances, exchanged favours when the need arose, but there was always a stifling limit to the time he could spend with those people. With these guys, Lia and Yeji, it was just different. 

He remembered Changbin’s coming out and how they’d all cried when he’d gone into his sappy speech of them never treating him differently and Seungmin had only let his tears take over because it was basic fucking human rights and sometimes you found yourself thanking people for just having those. He remembered the Hwang twins and their dance battles with Minho who notoriously knew every single Kpop dance there was to exist; the way Beomgyu made them laugh enough that milk had come out of Hyunjin and Seungmin’s noses; the day Chan had gotten his acceptance letter and they’d held a bonfire of the ones he rejected because of course he’d gotten 12 different ones. It would be these memories lacing into each other punctuated by songs and laughs that he was finding himself reminiscing a little too much lately. Was it the new school term starting that was doing it? A few months later he’d be a senior too and the thought sent goosebumps across his skin. Maybe the anxiety of watching the seniors truly leave was what really made him so unnecessarily sentimental lately. Yeah, that was it. 

  
  
  


It wasn’t. He knew he was being swallowed by the fear of something larger that he refused to address, that he’d bury deep in himself, that he was scared someone would look into his eyes and read all his secrets out loud, vivid and vulnerable. He’d cover the thought by thinking of his friends, and how they’d- like Changbin had said (in the course of his life, the conclusion he’d drawn was that Changbin was always right, a holder of unforeseen events and wisdom) - they’d never look at him differently even if they knew every dark thought he had, every moment he’d looked at them with doubt. 

When he met Hyunjin’s eyes, he noticed the scrunch of his shoulders like something intimidating had tensed them. Hyunjin hadn’t shown it but Seungmin knew fighting Yeji had upsetted him just as much as it had her. 

Seungmin hated his feelings getting in the way of his friendship, hated for his hesitancy to reach out to the boy solely from the fear that he’d hurt himself, not out of worry for Hyunjin, but out of the persistent walking reminder of his own overgrown feelings. Everything seemed to remind of Hyunjin to the point that it felt a bit insane. He really needed to stop thinking about someone he wouldn’t have, someone he should be a good friend to.

Yet of course, yet still, he hated the way Jisung had already found a place in Hyunjin’s eyes, the way Hyunjin would steal glances at the engrossed blue-haired boy who absent-mindedly fiddled with the taller boy’s fingers while the taller in question relaxed his muscles like it was some circadian rhythm, some way of the world that had been there for hundreds of years. He could be over-reading this but he could also not. Jisung had called them soulmates. _Soulmates_ , and that implied enough for Seungmin to know a line was drawn and they definitely were more than friends. He wasn’t even angry; he just wondered how the two had filled in with each other like lock and key this fast. How did it only take them a week to be perfect halves? How, when Seungmin had been trying his whole life, and he’d still not fitted anywhere perfectly warmly without having some jagged corner grazing his skin and heart? 

  
  


Chan offered him some popcorn which he found himself refusing, only to turn to Minho fishing out the egg from his ramen into Seungmin’s now half-empty bowl while scooping out some of Seungmin’s noodles in exchange. On the screen, Gamora and Star Lord kissed and Hyunjin cooed in the back while Han made retching sounds like some first grader. 

“I have something to say,” Minho spoke, eyes still on the movie, bowl in hand.

Chan moved forward to pause the film but Minho gestured not to. Seungmin turned his head to the brunette.

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it-” he spoke with his voice calm and collected like it always was, “but I just wanted you all to know that my parents are moving back to Gimpo-“

“YOU’RE MOVING?” Hyunjin exclaimed. Minho turned to give him a glare. 

“Let him finish,” Changbin shushed him. 

“-But since I’ve planned on SNU, we talked it out and I’m moving in with Chan hyung and-“

“Pfft, Chan hyung should call this a boys’ hostel,” Hyunjin snorted.

“STOP INTERRUPTING BASTARD,” Minho hollered, tossing a stray empty toilet paper roll at him while the younger shrieked. Seungmin had no idea why he willingly stepped into conflict with the older. Perhaps he was just dumb, which definitely made sense.

“-And sharing rent from what I’ve saved up, so I’ll be coming here after a week,” he finished, taking a final bite of his ramen. The movie was pretty much abandoned because everyone’s attention was on Minho. 

“The other half of this hugeass place _is_ empty, so we talked to the landlord and he was fine with it,” Changbin spoke, leaning back on his arms. 

“Weren’t- weren’t you saving that money for a scooter?” Seungmin asked.

Minho slowly nodded, “Yeah, but I hadn’t considered Gimpo when I was- and I have to finish school in this neighbourhood-”

“Still, transport from Gimpo to here for a few months won’t cost as much as the rent,” Seungmin frowned, “Not to mention if you have a scooter it’ll barely cost anything but time. You can always move back when college starts or go for the dorms- why-”

“I don’t want to leave,” Minho cut him, no apparent emotion or waver in his voice, just a factual firmness like the topic was closed. Seungmin closed his mouth, surprised, but with warmth blooming in his chest. 

“What? You want me to?” Minho prodded him after he stayed quiet for a minute. Seungmin quickly shook his head. 

“Of-of course not! I was just- I was just saying what could be best for you,” he mumbled. 

The ghost of a smile tickled Minho’s mouth. “I know too. I just don’t want to. I got stuff to do here,” he shrugged his shoulders and leaned back too, setting his bowl aside and turning to the movie again.

“Should- should I come help pack?” Seungmin asked, not knowing how else to respond.

“Should? It’s literally your duty. I’ll air-fry you and your lamp-post friends (“HEY,” Hyunjin yelled) if you all don’t show up on the weekend,” Minho responded. 

“New roommate,” Felix beamed. Minho adorably beamed back at him, another Felix miracle, Seungmin supposed. Minho would rather miss his SAT than smile like that at Seungmin. Getting a chokehold was more likely. 

  
  


The day just kept getting weirder. Seungmin was surprised he hadn’t had an aneurysm yet from all his mind had to process. He sighed, leaning back as well and chewing on his egg. He’d think about it after the movie ended, which it did, soon enough and the non-residents decided to call it a night and head home.

He made special effort to avoid the way Hyunjin’s laugh tinkled in the room as Han and he foolishly stumbled to the entrance where Hyunjin’s arms were latched round Han’s stomach from the back and their steps failed to be in sync. Changbin and Felix on the other hand, happily waved at him, with Changbin reminding him to attend his gig at school the next day. Seungmin wondered what Felix would do when they all wouldn’t be hme, but chose not to ask for the moment. He assured Changbin instead. 

  
  


“Beommie’s performing too. Convinced him and Yeonjun to do a duet; are you seeing my power?” Changbin’s eyes sparkled with a grin again. Seungmin should say he hated effortlessly popular charismatic kids but really, he couldn’t. Changbin was smart, yes, but also hard-working and genuine in a strange loud confident vulnerable way. Seungmin would’ve attended the gig even if he didn’t know Changbin. The writer knew how to speak. Not to mention watching Beomgyu finally pull out his old guitar from wherever he’d hidden it after last year would be a feast to see. No one asked and Beomgyu had never told why he’d stopped singing and playing it even though Seungmin wished he had. High-school was full of small regretful mistakes that you couldn’t fix later on, the reality sinked in every time he did remember that. He hated the thought.

  
  


“I’ll come,” he smiled. Changbin patted his shoulder, pleased.

“Oh yeah, Chan!” Minho called from next to Seungmin where he was lacing his shoes on the floor. Chan shouted to show he was listening from some deep end of the apartment. 

“The landlord told me you’re in charge so I gotta let you know everything beforehand so-“ he paused, standing up from finishing putting on his shoes. 

“-just wanted to let you know I’m gay.” 

Hyunjin’s arms dropped Han where they were tickling him, making the boy fall on his knees with a thud and an exclamation. Seungmin snapped his head, feeling his eyes widen.

“And uh, if I ever bring over a boyfriend, hope that’s okay with you,” Minho added, hand already on the doorknob.

Silence.

“Yeah, Minho,” Chan spoke a bit amusedly, “That’s okay with me, of course.”

“Good,” Minho nodded, “Good,” smiling at no one in particular before yanking the door open and heading out. 

  
  
  


“Alright, anyone else got any news to share or boys to drop or can I go brush my teeth now?” Changbin spoke, his voice unable to hide the smile on his voice. 

It snapped the stunned four younger ones back to reality like a spell at which Chan fondly chuckled. Seungmin awkwardly shuffled to the door before Hyunjin did, waving silently as he jogged out with his headphones plugged in, determined to not let the other boy catch up with him. He knew Minho and him had the same route home, but if Minho had wanted to walk back together, he would’ve waited. Since he didn’t, it meant he wanted to be left alone, and there was no use looking for a Minho not wanting to be found. Seungmin understood.

  
  
  


He played DAY6, an old album he knew by heart, every sentence predicted by his mind very unlike his day, let the songs simmer in the background. There was too much to think about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college has started for me so frankly ive been pulling myself into the shoes of who i was 2 years ago to truly write from Seungmin’s perspective which is a bit of a feat but really, reminiscing is enjoyable. also i hope no one takes the SNU prep methods or whatever seriously my only knowledge about there is from googling random information. This is a fictional world n id invest more in research but. I am lazy

**Author's Note:**

> brain damage. parent song by jeremy zucker is nice btw just thought u should know. if u leave a kudos or a comment i think about it for 80 days. please do; make me a lil happy. i'll write faster. i will smile more. 
> 
> all poetry in [ ] is my own by the way. the rest will be quoted songs or verses.


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